My first week of the 66 days of self-care, or as I’m calling it, Intentional Selfishness went pretty smoothly. I’ve been taking time to listen, breathe and think with more care this week. I’m journaling and stretching each morning and enjoying that time of reconnection. Normally I roll out of bed on autopilot and stay that way all day. These exercises are helping me shift my focus.
The week held more activity than usual but I managed to keep to my plan. On Thursday I took a quick walk after work, squeezing it in before a 6:30 drink with an old friend. I grabbed my iPod, downloaded with an audio book from the library, and my earbuds and set off. But before I got out of the driveway I realized that listening to the story would distract me from the intent of the walk-to experience nature. I stopped my story and simply walked. The trees are still about half full now, though the colors seem to be muddying as they die. A slight breeze made it seem as if the trees were murmuring as I walked past. It was delightful.
I thought about the way I use music and sound in my everyday life. I’ve slipped into a couch potato routine recently. My excuse is always a needlepoint project, which seems to go beautifully with television. I don’t or can’t really stitch to silence. So I turn on the television for distraction, a place to get lost in story. That’s not always a bad thing, but it often keeps me stuck in a pattern of non-accomplishment. Aside from the needlepoint. I often spend the whole evening watching reruns of NCIS or the offerings on TMC and then I feel guilty about laundry or dishes or something.
I set some limits on television during the week so I began listening to music. I had forgotten how responsive I can be to music-it jazzes me up and it gives me a sense of tranquility. Magically, when I’ve got the music on, most often with iPhone and earbuds, I feel occupied. Busy, untethered. I feel less like the old woman who lives in the shoe-all by herself. I can’t quite explain what I mean-but it’s an appreciable difference. What I need to deal with next is the absence of sound- I need to begin to relish silence, to be able to sit comfortably with myself, with nature, with the creaks and moans of my house, acorns dropping on the deck, the sounds of the trees rubbing against each other. I want to appreciate the wonderful opportunity silence offers one’s soul.
The weekend offered me many opportunities for work and recreation (which means that I had a long to-do list) yet I managed to achieve a balance. One of my goals for these next 50-plus days is to practice being present to who I am, to appreciate this particular moment and all it has to offer. Not as a rationalization about age and wisdom gained, or some salve to put on the wounded me that wonders why I’m still single. But, silence as a nourishing part of life-a time when nature and I exist side by side. When I settle into accepting all that I have in my life and acknowledge what I still want.
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Beautiful post. I had great intentions of formally starting the 66 day plan, but the formal part fell by the way side. I am going to try to work on balance, focus, and on being more ‘in the moment’. Thanks for inspiring me!
Thank you, it didn’t “feel” beautiful. Jump in, there’s no formal about it. I’m using it as a vehicle to get moving and I’ve added a variety of awareness activities to suit my own needs. The in the moment bit is the biggest hurdle for me. I did this morning’s exercise, briefly, and got a clear message from my body that I have to pay more attention to what it’s asking of me. Biggie!
It is nice to read the peace in your voice here. Glad you are sharing your experiences on this path. Very inspiring.
You sound as though you are coming home. Nice.
Thanks. I find that sharing, like reading the thoughts and experiences of others, is what helps me focus on the things that matter. Your blog always gives me one of those ‘ah ha’ moments.
Coming home, that has a nice ring to it. Thank you.
When we explore our own depths, rather than take from the bombardment of the world, we discover the richness within. We do this far too little. Your journey is perfect.
It is…. I find rewards here, but it is challenging to change old patterns.