Jane Juska is my hero! Her book, A Round Heeled Woman is a wonderful example of an older woman living and writing about a very real sexual life. Juska tells the story of finding a man with whom she wants to have sex. She shares the experiences, in detail, while talking about all the emotions she copes with while meeting younger and older men. The discomfort and the criticism she encounters from family and acquaintances points out the lingering issues our culture has with sexually active and expressive women in their 60′s.
Ms. Juska lets us see that sexuality continues to flourish across the ages, with all the insecurities and real or assumed inadequacies we bring to any relationship, however fleeting. Viewing the series of encounters she has on her journey, the reader is reminded that we continue to be sexual beings throughout our life, finding new ways to express our desires and sexual needs.
Sex can be challenging with the issues presented by menopause and the problems with erectile dysfunction many men experience with aging. One of the answers, simple as it sounds, is to redefine what ‘sexual activity’ means for us. There is no reason to consider intercourse the primary or only avenue for sexual satisfaction. Unfortunately you won’t find many popular instruction manuals, sex toy sites or erotic materials specifically designed for older individuals. So, let’s talk about some options and ways to recharge or redefine your sex life.
- Painful intercourse can be caused by a lack of lubrication. In that case a commercial lubricant, water-based is better, may be all you need. A longer period of foreplay and heightened arousal will assist in natural lubrication. If the problem persists ask your doctor for a prescription for a lubricant
- Sex toys are a great tool for you and a partner. There is a wonderful selection of Sex Toys at Babeland (disclosure- I am a Babeland affiliate) of all types. You can find a simple vibrator for solo use or a variety of toys under the sex toys for couples category; it can be helpful stimulation for males with erectile issues. Be willing to experiment together for an enhanced experience.
- If intercourse is painful, consider other sexual activities like manual stimulation or oral sex. Giving each other pleasure can be very satisfying and may not necessarily need to culminate in orgasms.
- Engage in more sensuous activity. Touching, kissing, massages, and watching sexy movies together can bring you both pleasure and act as stimulants for continued sexual activity.
If you’re willing to experiment and be open about sexual options you’ll find a way to continue living a sexually active life. There are numerous websites and resources on the internet with tips and suggestions related to sexuality and aging. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and become more informed. There is no reason not to continue to enjoy sex!
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